I picked the name, KhadijaWannabe, because, as a Muslimah, I never chose to change my name. I felt, that after all of the heart ached I had to suffer through, once again, with my parents, and my family, that changing my name, the name my parents gave me upon my birth, would just spit in their faces. I have had friends who tell me my name doesn't match my religion; okay, hold up!! I don't have a "bad" name, I have an American name-because that is who I am. I have revamped my total thought process, my home, my life and my family's life. That being said, Alhamdulillah, so much for the better, Allahu Akbar, Allah Be Praised!! But, there is only so much a person can change in a few years, and let's please remember, the Prophet, Salla Allahu Aleyhi Salaam, recited the Quran over 23 years, from the first ayahs to the final ayahs. And that's not a cop out, but merely, I am a stubborn headed person, who has to do things on her own terms and time frame for it to be sincere. And trust me when I say I am stubborn, especially what I have been through over my lifetime!!
But, I digress...I chose Khadija as the name I would chose if I had to have a "Muslim" name. Khadija (Radi Allahu Anha) was the first of the wives of the Prophet (Salla Allahu Aleyhi Salaam). I am, to this date, the first wife of my husband, lol :). Which is another blog post entirely. But honestly, yes I respect and revere and look up to all of the Wives and women around the Prophet (Salla Allahu Aleyhi Salaam), but, Khadija was the first. 1.) She was a business owner in the Jahiliyyah period when women were not much better than cattle (so this was an amazing feat alone). 2.)She was the first woman to convert to Islam, 3.) she loved her husband, and believed in her husband, always. 4.) Even before he was a prophet, he would go to Cave Hira and meditate (even before his first revelation), and she would climb the mountain to bring him food. She is just my hero.
Yes, I have my moments, when the kids are crazy and I am feeling even crazier, that I don't particularly want to go and get my husbands' food and meal ready before he goes to work and I have to get the kids up and about as well. And on and on. But, my husband works 80 hours a week for us, so I can stay with the kids. Alhamdulillah. So, it is my mission to improve my self so I can benefit my family even more. And, at this point, sometimes I don't feel as if I would even live up to my name, Khadija. But, one day insha'Allah.